Nick: Uitlander
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:38 AM PST
Subject: I hope this helps...
Message:
What do you say about the death of someone you never met but loved just the same? No, this is not like a celebrity or a political figure, not a member of the royal family, not an icon... This feeling is a whole new thing. A place I've never been before. She reached out, touched people, responded, gave -- gave of herself, her talents, her heart. She was someone I looked forward to. A pen pal, a personality, a sharp wit, a friendly disembodied voice from cyberspace.
We live in an era of cyber relationships, where our laptops and glowing screens channel us into each other's living rooms and office cubicles, through the massive matrix of fiberoptics. This must be the final frontier. Is what I'm feeling real? The tears slipping down my cheeks certainly are. Wet, salty and very real tears. The lump in my throat is real, and won't be swallowed away easily...
-Love from Uitlander
Nick: Scout B
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:46 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Lovely, Uit
Message:
I'm suddenly acutely aware of the huge gray area where "real life" and "virtual life" overlap. I'm trying to explain to 3D friends how this person was also a friend, even though we never met. It seems odd that it's possible, but as you note, it most certainly is.
Let's all hang in there, folks.
Nick: Eärwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:47 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Thank you for this..
Message:
I have the same feelings and questions. I'm cold and tears are burning for someone I never met, but felt I knew all the same. And it's much more personal then it would be for a "public" figure.. I really feel for my fellow TORNsibs.. If I did not know this already, then now it has been made clear in the most confrontational manner imaginable. :'(
I'm glad you are all out there to share this grief {{{ TORN}}}
Nick: Annael
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:54 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: so true . . .
Message:
we are on a new frontier of human relationships, one in which we can know a person without ever seeing their face or hearing their voice. Some might say we can't really know each other that way, but isn't that always true? Haven't we all had the experience of learning something about someone we've known for a long time that is a complete shock to us?
I believe cyber relationships are as real as any other. In a way they are better, because we can't bring any prejudices to bear about age or race or personal appearance. What we see here is the essence of the person. Oh, yes, most of us had no clue that Widfara was depressed. It was easier for her to keep that secret in cyberspace. She chose only to show us the best of herself. That's the person we knew. That is the person I will grieve for and remember.
Nick: Ginger
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:57 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Thanks, Uitlander
Message:
I printed it out, because I think my coworkers think it's odd to be crying about someone you met on a discussion board. I was having some personal problems and we had been emailing. She helped me so much, and I'm so sad I couldn't help her. Oh, Wid, I am so sorry.
Nick: Eledhwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:59 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Thank you, Uitlander
Message:
You echo my thoughts.
Nick: humblehobbit
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:05 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Beautifully said...
Message:
...I am new to cyber friendships and find them both enriching and confusing. It is difficult to comprehend how we can become so close to people we've never really met. Some of my cyber friends know more about me than some of my loved ones do - the anonymity of the 'net allows you to share more sometimes, it seems. And yet we really *don't* know our cyber friends, just as we really *don't* know the people in our real lives. In that way, cyber friendships are like real friendships - we share what we want people to see. And the death of a cyber friend is really no different from the death of a "real life" friend. It hurts. It is sobering. There really are no words in the face of it.
Nick: greenleafphf
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:07 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Message:
very well said Uitlander
Nick: Kyriel
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:08 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Message:
Amen.
Nick: Lounge_Hobbit
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:11 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Message:
thank you, Uit. so true.
Nick: Stapper
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:17 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Message:
Exsactly how I feel
Nick: Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:53 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: how to put it into words
Message:
Thank you Uit. You said it so eloquently. I feel really empty and confused. I don't know what to say or do. I am here at work crying and not knowing how to tell people that I am mourning the loss of someone I never knew. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.
Nick: Tauriel
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:09 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Message:
Thanks Uit! Very true
Nick: Roheryn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:22 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Thanks, Uit.
Message:
That says it beautifully.
I've had the privilege of meeting six TORnsibs now in person, and I count those TORnsibs among my closest friends. Those relationships were developed solely online, and the closeness that I felt before meeting in person was there just as strongly once we were together. Cyberfriends are real people, and their friendships are certainly no less meaningful than those with people we know from our 3D life.
In some ways, I think we can get to know our cyberfriends better than friends from, for lack of a better term, "real life". We can get to know the essence of a person, without any hangups about what someone looks like/sounds like/smells like/what sort of clothes they wear/what sort of car they drive/etc. (and no matter how hard we try to approach people with an open mind, no one can completely free themselves of these prejudices). With these hangups irrelevant, we're free to get to know the real person, and that's what true friendship is all about.
Nick: Elwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:23 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Thank you Uit...
Message:
You managed to say very eloquently what I too am feeling. It is strange and sad, but at the same time, I am encouraged to find that things like the Internet are not dehumanizing our interactions. They just allow us to meet more beautiful souls like Widfara.
Nick: Kiskadee
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:32 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Subject: Thanks, Uitlander. You've...
Message:
said it so well. Your post made me think that our "online selves" are very much like what many people would call the soul: online we are literally creatures of light, dancing electrons, pure energy, pure thought. And in some ways, at some times, I think it's possible to be more real here than in reality. Thanks again for you thoughts.
Nick: Kimi
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 11:37 AM PST
In Reply To: I hope this helps...
Message:
Well said. Thank you.
Nick: Watson
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:57 AM PST
Subject: Eulogy
Message:
I heard this first a long time ago, shortly before the death of my mother. I offer it now to those in grief, for I think we all are grieving in our own ways, perhaps for more reasons than many of us know:
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night:
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.
Author Unknown
Nick: greenleafphf
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:12 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Subject: beautiful words Watson
Message:
I too discovered them with the death of my mother. They helped put the sorrow into words...
Nick: Elfmei
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:16 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Subject: .....
Message:
am in grief too. Thank you for your sharing.
Nick: Roheryn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:38 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Subject: Beautiful. Thank you.
Message:
That beautiful poem makes me cry every time I read it.
I found a similar thought recently in Pullman's His Dark Materials, and I find comfort in it now.
"We'll be alive again in a thousand blades of grass, and a million leaves; we'll be falling in the raindrops and blowing in the fresh breeze; we'll be glittering in the dew under the stars and the moon."
The people we love and lose will always be a part of us.
Nick: Aelric
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:42 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
That's beautiful, thank you, Watson
Nick: Olorin of the West
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:51 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
Thank you, Watson. I'll treasure that.
Nick: Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:56 AM PST\
In Reply To: Eulogy
Subject: thank you Watson
Message:
I wish I had something to offer....anything...but I am too stunned. Thank you.
Nick: Alnilam
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:05 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
Thank you, Watson.
Nick: Elwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:23 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
How beautiful. Thanks.
Nick: Enchantress
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:40 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
That was very lovely! Thanks W!!
Nick: Tauriel
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:44 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Subject: Thanks Watson
Message:
That's one of the most beautiful poems I have read in a long time.
Nick: Scout B
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:45 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Subject: Finally able to read it
Message:
That is beautiful, Watson.
Nick: Ginger
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 11:29 AM PST
In Reply To: Finally able to read it
Message:
Me too. Thank you, Watson
Nick: Thevina Finduilas
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:59 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
Those are precious words for this tragic time.
Nick: Galadlinderiel
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:26 AM PST
In Reply To: Eulogy
Message:
That is so lovely!
Nick: Leto
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:17 AM PST
Subject: This poem has always been of comfort to me
Message:
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
John Donne
Nick: Aerlinn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:58 AM PST
In Reply To: This poem has always been of comfort to me
Message:
Thank you, Leto
Nick: Olorin of the West
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:58 AM PST
In Reply To: This poem has always been of comfort to me
Message:
Thanks.
Nick: Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:09 AM PST
In Reply To: This poem has always been of comfort to me
Message:
quite lovely Leto, thanks