Nick: Celandine Brandybuck
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:02 PM PST
Subject: Dear TORNsibs,
Message:
I’m sad for myself, and sad for everyone else who knew Wídfara, whether they were close friends or simply TORn acquaintances. She was a wonderful person who gave much more than she was willing to take in return.
We’d known each other slightly since, oh, February I think, and rather better since May, and quite well indeed since July. For a while we were chatting online almost daily, and later several times a week, if both of us could be around. It was tough with the time zones and the fact that I worked most of the day. We also did a lot of emailing, and she was a wonderfully responsive reader to all my stories. I loved our exchanges about those, it was great fun to hear what she liked and why and to talk about the whole process. I’m glad that I’ve saved them, so that I can someday read back and hear her speak to me again.
I miss her already. I had just yesterday requested through interlibrary loan a couple of books by Florence King to read, an author I’d read before and liked but Wídfara reminded me about. I was listening to the Indigo Girls today, a band we both enjoyed. I won’t be able to tell her about those things now.
She used to send me snippets of various funny essays and so forth, which I would usually get in the morning, checking email quickly before work. I didn’t always have time to respond right then, sometimes it took till night. I know that such delays couldn’t have contributed to her decision, but nevertheless I now wish that I’d been quicker - maybe she would have felt more loved, more needed. There’s no way to find out.
In her last email to me, which I now realize must have been written Monday morning shortly before her death, she said, among other things, “Anyway, here’s to you, here’s to the joys of the written word, and to friendship, and to traveling down the same road together for a time.”
I’m grieved that we will no longer be traveling down that road together.
But I’m angry, too. I’m angry that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I’m angry that all the bits of conversation we were in the middle of will never be finished now. I’m upset that she felt she had to fight her fight alone. And I’m angry that she lost it.
This is tough for everyone here, to lose a friend. I’m writing as I am because it’s important to acknowledge that we can be profoundly sorry at Wíd’s death, and be glad to have known her, and be angry at her decision, all at the same time.
I’m going to end with a quote from a song by the Indigo Girls, called “Watershed.”
Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony’s your heaviest load.
You’ll never fly as the crow flies, get used to a country mile.
When you’re learning to face the path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while.
Wídfara, I hope the choice was worth your while. I hope that wherever you are, you’ll know how much you were loved and will be missed.
Celandine
Nick: LOTR_nutcase
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:22 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Message:
That was lovely! Thank you.
Nick: Sangoff
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:23 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Aww that's so sad!
Message:
Now I'm depressed all over again. :(
Nick: Roheryn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:23 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Eloquent, Cel, and thank you.
Message:
I was hoping you'd share some of these thoughts. I had thought I was done with tears for the day, but apparently not. {{{Celandine}}}
Nick: Scout B
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:30 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Very well said, Celandine
Message:
There is quite a mixture of emotions involved here and you've articulated them quite well.
Hang in there. {hugs}
Nick: Mirkwood Maiden
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:45 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Thanks CB, your words echo the myriad of sentiments I am sorting through.
Message:
Email me any time if you want to talk, vent or otherwise lean on your fellow TORnsibs.
Blessed be,
MM
Nick: BrambleroseBrandybuck
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:10 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Everyone please read this
Message:
Since reading about Widfara's death, I have not stopped crying and keep asking myself "why?". Why kill herself?, why give up?, why didn't anyone see this coming and stop it?
I really don't think this could have been stopped. It was her fight, not ours. We just would have been one lone warrior against the thousands of enemies in her mind, although we might have delayed her decission to take her life.
I know we must all go on with our own lives, though will not be easy without our dear friend Wídfara.
Goodbye Robin/Wídfara. You will be missed.
"A friend loves at all times..." Proverbs 17:17
Nick: Entmaiden
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:20 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Thank you, Celandine
Message:
I hope you find comfort here. Although we're not together physically, we are in hearts and minds.
Nick: Lothirienne
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:26 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: and I am sorry for your loss too Celandine
Message:
as well as Widfara. You are very eloquent, and I hope that you continue your writing. I am sure it will remind you of Widfara at times, but difficult as that will be, it will also be good that she will still be in your thoughts (and many other peoples). How sad that Widfara felt so overwhelmed.
Nick: Ginger
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:30 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Thanks for putting into words
Message:
how I feel too. Monday afternoon I kept thinking I would see an email from her telling me the name of her dog. And I didn't realize the email I read late Monday morning was a goodbye, I thought she was just making me feel better.
((Celandine))
Nick: Pukel-man
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:36 PM PST
In Reply To: Thanks for putting into words
Subject: I know . . .
Message:
. . . see my post above. It reminds me of a story I once read, I can't remember the author. It describes how somebody ends up resenting the world for moving on after the death of a loved one, when he can't. The sun sets; neighbours move house; people get married; people get divorced. He wanted to tell them all "Stop it! Don't you know?".
The reminders never go away, but they gradually turn into fond memories, and the tears turn from bitter to sweet.
Nick: Celede
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:54 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Good on you Celandine..
Message:
you were her friend and you were there for her in the best way that you could have been. Thats all anyone could ever ask of any of their friends. Thanks for your message
Nick: miss_mithril
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:00 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: I have no word, mark, or sound for such a lovely face as hers...
Message:
May she now rest in the bosom of peace...
I know how hard this is, Celandine...feel deeply and strongly and lovingly and angrily and forgivingly all that you can feel. With every ounce within you. That's the best tribute you can give her. Thank you very much for sharing this with us, Celandine.
In peace,
Miss Mithril
Nick: Elennaur
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:26 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Bless you, Celandine
Message:
I wish I could have been her friend. I always wish such a thing when I hear about someone who has suffered and been overwhelmed by that suffering. But I am glad that you were a friend to her, Celandine. You know, don't you, that there's nothing you could have done to change her decision? Please don't ever think that, not for a second. Sometimes friends, even the closest, don't know all that is going on in a person's life. And even if they did, sometimes there is nothing they can do to help. It is a battle that each person fights themselves, and hopefully most win it. I am very sorry that Widfara did not, but I pray that she is at peace now.
I am very sorry for the sorrow you are now feeling Celandine, but thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Nick: Eledhwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 10:44 PM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Message:
Thank you for sharing that, Celandine.
Nick: Smokering
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 3:53 AM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Yes.
Message:
Thanks Cel. Widfara and I shared a similar relationship--not as close as yours perhaps, but special in its own way. She used to recommend authors to me too! I read some stories by one once, I can't even remember his name now! They were good. Robert Benchley, that's it! And she would read my stories and encourage me about them, too. And like you, I wish I'd been quicker to write back, quicker to send her more stories, more supportive. I loved meeting her on TORn, and the fact that she'd go out of her way to make me--and, I think, everyone she met--feel special.
And I am angry with her, too, for making that decision--for not telling us about it on TORn so she could have seen how many people cared about her. I'm glad for you that she wrote to you before she died. I have my consolation, a very short conversation I had with her a few days ago. She was complimenting me on my old footer!!! I don't know if that was her way of saying goodbye, her last message to me--perhaps. Perhaps I'm just dramatising it and she was just being her usual lovely self. I wish I had told her properly how much she meant to me. She was the very first person, ever to respond to a post of mine on TORn! Funny how you remember stuff like that. Despite being so inteligent, she was never snobby and 'celebrity' about her funny parodies and footers, she would always gets right in there and say hi to people, talk to newbies, chat to 'underling' TORnadoes like myself. Oh, I wish I'd known her better! We never thought there was a need, did we? Assumed she'd always be there. I would give ANYTHING to have her back--to have someone say this was only a vile joke, a mistake, whatever. To have her squealing about how great TTT was, and looking forward over the long months to ROTK with us. At the moment it all seems so wrong. But I'm so glad I knew her, just a little. I'd rather lose her ten times over than never have known her at all. I'll always treasure that story she sent me. And the memory of her saying, 'You remind me of when I was a young Smokering!'. I couldn't ask for a higher compliment.
Thanks, Cel. Maybe one day we can get to know each other better too, because of Widfara. Maybe we *all* can.
Nick: karen the magnificent
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 4:15 AM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: Thanks, CB, for posting this
Message:
I did not post at all yesterday because I was too upset. I was and am still angry as well, but was afraid that everyone would think that was an inappropriate response. A very close relative of my husband's committed suicide years ago, and even though he is now an adult and married and happy, he will never get over it. I am so mad at the devastation left behind, and that Widdy felt she had no other choice but to cause it. The grief of her family must be profound, and I pray for them.
Ok, now I'm crying and I need to go to work. I had work I was supposed finish last night for my rotten, nasty, boss so as only to be called lazy and incompetent once today (he does it to everyone at the office), but I didn't do it. I read about Wid, and I decided to spend a quiet evening with my husband instead. He is much more important than trying to please a boss who will never be pleased. In spite of everything else I feel, at least I can say that Wid has helped me put things in perspective, and hopefully I will not lose track of what is important again.
Nick: Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 4:59 AM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Subject: thank you so much celandine
Message:
I have been trying to put my feelings into words, and you have done it beautifully. I am so sad and so sorry - and yet those emotions have given way to anger and frustration. You're not supposed to give up! You're not supposed to think you have to fight your battles alone! Wasn't there something more I could have said or done? Didn't she know she was loved? I am beside myself. And none of us got to say goodbye. I hope that we can draw strength from one another in the days to come.
Take care,
Shieldmaiden
Nick: Elwen
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 5:04 AM PST
In Reply To: Dear TORNsibs,
Message:
Thanks for sharing that. ((hugs))
Nick: Pukel-man
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:34 PM PST
Subject: I haven't said much. . .
Message:
I guess all this reminds me too much of when my mum died; I found then that the hardest thing were the reminders strewn around everyday life. I remember that a couple of hours after my Dad called with the news, I checked my e-mails and found the one telling me she had gone into hospital, and that she should be out in a couple of days. Things like that are all over TORn regarding Widfara; the last SAST quiz, sad messages etc. I'm not advocating taking these things down, just sharing how I feel.
As touching as all the poems and eulogies are, the most moving messages to me all seem to be simply expressions of grief or confusion. TORn is a good place for this; you can pour your heart out while still remaining a little detached. I hope we can all continue to do so, for our own good if nothing else ;-).
Nick: Caitie-the-Slightly-Ecru
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 6:38 PM PST
In Reply To: I haven't said much. . .
Subject: Well said
Message:
I was thinking something along those lines; would Widfara want us dwelling on sad thoughts? or would she have wanted us to move on, to look back with smiles on our faces? I don't know, I haven't really dealt with death like this before, so I don't really know what to say. All I can say is that I am deeply, deeply saddened, and I never even knew Widfara. I know that we will all remember her fondly.
Nick: Celede
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:46 PM PST
Subject: This has brought back some really crap memories for me..
Message:
when I was at Uni, a friend of mine announced he was going to commit suicide. He had been depressed for some time, but with all the sensitivity of youth, I and my friends brushed it off.."yeah. yeah..you'll feel better soon. Just see the doctor more". Anyway, he didn't turn up for a couple of days after that (he was always over, so we noticed it. My flatmates and I went down to his college to see him..the door was locked..we got the caretaker to open it..and there he was. He had gone to every doctor around, got every tablet he could and taken the whole damn lot. He was near the door..he must have been trying to get out.
Two years ago my closest friend suddenly died of a heart attack, leaving behind her small children and her husband to cope.
I read this at her funeral. Naturally, being a complete drip, I was basically unintelligible from sobbing, but its a lovely poem
DIRGE WITHOUT MUSIC
I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind;
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.
Crowned
with lilies and with laurel they go,
but I am not resigned
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, - but the best is lost.
The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,-
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses.
Elegant and curled
is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom.
I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world
Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
Nick: Pukel-man
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 7:54 PM PST
In Reply To: This has brought back some really crap memories for me..
Subject: Same for many of us . . .
Message:
. . . my mum died in April, and I know part of the sadness I'm feeling now is 'left over' from then. I guess this is the same for some of you . . . so talking here is probably helping a lot of us in many ways.
Yes, it is a lovely poem. If nothing else, today on TORn has been a good day for poetry . . . though I wish it hadn't been.
Nick: Aydria Elenlinn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:09 PM PST
In Reply To: This has brought back some really crap memories for me..
Subject: me too
Message:
I had a good friend commit suicide four years ago on almost the exact same day. In the last five years, I have known four suicides, and it just doesn't get any easier.
Nick: Raynbow Elf
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 10:37 PM PST
In Reply To: me too
Subject: and me
Message:
My sister committed suicide almost 20 years ago. It doesn't get easier. And we don't stop thinking about them. "What ifs" and "Gee, she would have liked this" happen every day. Every day.
Nick: ceremony
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:38 PM PST
In Reply To: This has brought back some really crap memories for me..
Subject: Edna St. Vincent Millay is magnificent.
Message:
I'm just getting into her poetry, but her talent amazes me. Such a beautiful piece...thank you for posting it.
=====
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
~ T.S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
Nick: Kyriel
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 5:02 AM PST
In Reply To: This has brought back some really crap memories for me..
Subject: What an amazing poem
Message:
I pray that we WON'T approve or be resigned to death - ours, a friend's, a relative's, anybody's.
I'm very sorry about your friend, Celede. (((hugs)))
--Kyriel
Nick: Aydria Elenlinn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:08 PM PST
Subject: well, I'm back.. and a sad day it is.. (poem inside)
Message:
Hi everyone, I've been gone from computery things for a few days now, and I heard about Widfara this morning before I had to leave again. I've been thinking about her all day, and it has brought back a nightmare for me. Four years ago on almost the same day, I had a good friend die in the same way. I didn't know Widfara as well as some of the older regulars, having only been here about two or three months, but I'll always remember her as a kind, humorous lady. All that said, this poem came to me while I was driving back home from the airport this evening, and I wanted to share it with you guys.
Rider of Rohan
I dreamed I walked in Rohan,
A country wide and clean -
Rolling hills and grassy fields,
And all was emerald green.
And as I watched, a lady came
All clad in robes of white,
Smiling as she swiftly rode
Through fields of clover bright.
She stopped then and regarded me,
With bright and clever eyes
That shone with strength and wisdom
No evil could disguise.
"Fair lady," I then asked her,
"Where now are you bound?
What name is given thee so fair
Who rides the hills around?"
She smiled then, and looking down,
Gave answer to my plea:
"I am Widfara of Rohan -
Please, come and ride with me!"
Over the country did we ride,
Through landscapes vast and fair,
The bright sunlight was in her eyes,
The cool wind in her hair.
We rode for countless seasons,
And talked as best of friends.
It always seemed that springtime
Would never find an end.
But one day when the leaves turned gold,
With hint of coming fall,
She turned her head and listened
As though she heard a call.
"Where art thou going, Widfara,
On this new fashioned day?
I know something has changed,
But what, I cannot say."
"I must ride west and seek new fields
Far from fair Rohan's walls,
But you can always hear my voice,
In the sweet robin's call."
And turning then into the sun,
She rode into the west,
Seeking for worlds beyond our own,
And for eternal rest."
Requiescat in pace, Widfara.. we'll miss you.
Nick: Pukel-man
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:11 PM PST
In Reply To: well, I'm back.. and a sad day it is.. (poem inside)
Subject: Hey . . .
Message:
. . . and I'm sorry. Your poem was even more beautiful than usual. This all brings back a lot for me too, though not in the same way.
I'd hug you if I could ;-).
Nick: Mrs. Boromir
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:15 PM PST
In Reply To: well, I'm back.. and a sad day it is.. (poem inside)
Subject: This is lovely, Aydria.
Message:
Welcome home, dear poet. I hope, like many today, you're able to find comfort among your friends here.
Nick: Eledhwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 10:45 PM PST
In Reply To: well, I'm back.. and a sad day it is.. (poem inside)
Message:
Lovely, Aydria.
Nick: Lostcause
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 1:09 AM PST
In Reply To: well, I'm back.. and a sad day it is.. (poem inside)
Subject: I admire your strength
Message:
and I am sorry for the pains you have obviously been through in life.
Whenever someone is driven to suicide it is a terrible thing.
1) Because it's sad that some people (mostly young as well) are so down in their lives that they see that as the only relief of pain.
and
2) Because the people left behind always feel they could/should have seen the signs and perhaps have done something - anything.
I myself lost a very good friend to suicide 4 years ago in february. Whenever the date draws near the same confusion and the same questions always come back. I cannot imagine how it must be for you to have lived through 4 of such events.
*Big hug* and the greatest respect, both to you and all the people that have lost someone dear in life and still offer comfort and support to everyone else
Nick: Elwen
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 6:49 AM PST
In Reply To: well, I'm back.. and a sad day it is.. (poem inside)
Message:
That was lovely. ((Aydria))
Nick: Roheryn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:17 PM PST
Subject: Tell someone you care
Message:
I have other things I should be doing, but they seem much less significant at the moment. I wanted to share some more thoughts.
Others here have been in off-TORn communication with Wíd much longer and have had deeper relationships with her than have I, and my heart grieves and aches for them. Wíd and I only started exchanging emails a couple of weeks ago, but I felt close to her already. She had confided in me late last week that she was suffering, and I now feel extremely honored and touched that she shared this with me. I got home late Sunday from an overnight trip and was a bit surprised that I hadn’t yet heard from her, as she had promised to write the day before On a whim, I decided that even though I was tired, I would send her a note to let her know I was thinking of her. And today, I am glad to the depths of my heart that I took the time to do this. Part of what I wrote was:
[she had said thanks for words of encouragement]
“Awww, you're welcome! :) Makes me sad to find out my friends are having troubles, and I'm always happy to give out hugs and encouragement where it's needed - I do hope you're finding some help somewhere. Hang in there, dear; you're in my thoughts! Not sure how much privacy you prefer to keep, but I'm here if you need someone to listen...er, read.”
Though these words didn’t change her actions, I can only hope that she knew she was loved and cared about. I have the comfort of knowing I told her I cared, and am deeply glad I took the time to tell her I was thinking of her. So the moral of this is: tell someone you love them. Give someone a hug. Tell someone you care, or that you are concerned. Offer your shoulder to cry on, lend your ear for listening, give your heart to those who need extra love. In the end, the knowledge that you’ve touched another’s life in a positive way could give you more solace than you could ever imagine when you make that first gesture, and the positive impact you may have on someone is worth all the effort in the world.
I’ve seen more love expressed today than I could have imagined, and I want us to find something positive amidst our sorrow. Take the time to tell someone you care and let that be Wíd’s legacy.
Hugs and love to all.
Roheryn
Nick: Nessimë
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:33 PM PST
In Reply To: Tell someone you care
Subject: Stop a stranger in the street...
Message:
... tell them they look great. Smile at someone when you make your way down the road, give way to someone who is looking frazzled in the traffic, smile and say 'thanks' to the girl at the checkout. Don't just touch the people you know, touch as many people as you possibly can.
As I walked down the main city street this morning, I wondered how many other people were wearing a mask and crying inside like me. I know someone pausing in their busy life to smile at me would've helped.
You're right Ro, when you do get home or get to work, or school or wherever you're headed today... please take an extra few minutes to go a little further for someone.
And when you do, think of Wíd... like Ro says "let that be Wíd’s legacy".
Nick: The White Rider
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:33 PM PST
In Reply To: Tell someone you care
Subject: Good advice
Message:
I'm still deeply saddened by all of this. I agree-tell your loved ones that you love them, give them a hug, and don't take them for granted. Life is far too precious.
I made a button for my footer, I hope it shows up as I've had numerous troubles with pictures showing before. I hope it honors and remembers her, RIP Wid!!
"He spoke a word to Shadowfax, and like an arrow from the bow the great horse sprang away. Even as they looked he was gone: a flash of silver in the sunset, a wind over the grass, a shadow that fled and passed from sight."-J.R.R. Tolkien
Nick: Morwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:35 PM PST
In Reply To: Tell someone you care
Subject: That's a lovely post, Roheryn
Message:
And a very appropriate suggestion. I just read the sad news and was sitting here looking at the keyboard with no idea what to say to anyone. I was not aware that Widfara was suffering and am so glad to hear that she had friends like you who reached out to her.
Nick: Elennaur
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:45 PM PST
In Reply To: Tell someone you care
Subject: That can be done on the net very easily
Message:
I have been reminded by this, and by all the outpouring of sympathy and care and kindness, that sometimes it is so easy to become frustrated and sad about your life. I count myself among the most blessed and fortunate, for I have a family that I treasure above all else who are always there for me -- but even so, I sometimes feel at odds with the rest of the world. I remember recently someone posted a thread about being a loner, and that is basically what I am -- not out of choice, really, but out of a feeling that the world these days seems to very cruel and cold. People don't seem to care about one another; they curse one another as they drive or on the streets, and what for? It sometimes seems, especially if you watch the news, that today's world if full of random acts of cruelty and hatred. And I know I am probably not the only one who sometimes feels that I am among a diminishing minority, and that I must keep a wall around my heart so I don't get hurt.
However, on this website and a few others, I have discovered that there are other people like me out there. Others who probably find more words of kindness and fellowship on the net than they might on the streets. The simply kindness of engaging in a fun conversation with a total stranger on the net about a common interest has often renewed my faith in human beings, and I'm sure many of you have experienced the same thing. I am sorry, so very sorry, that the kindness Widfara found here was not enough to pull her out of her despair. But it may be enough for someone else. So - please - towards newbies, towards people who have always been around - be kind, express your interest in them and what they have to say... It may not seem like much, but it may do a world of good for them. It has done a lot for me. :)
Nick: Mirkwood Maiden
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:20 PM PST
In Reply To: Tell someone you care
Subject: Bless you Ro, I'm glad to read your words
Message:
And I am relieved to hear, that at the end of all things... that she had at least confided in someone.
Thank you for being a friend to Wid, and to the rest of us also. I'll be emailing you shortly.
Blessed be,
AM / MM
Nick: tehanu
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:32 PM PST
Subject: A Poem for Widfara
Message:
I don't want to romanticise this tragedy but I hope this poem says something about the peace Widfara looked for. I hope she found it.
For Afterwards
I would like to die when the day is ending
on the open sea and looking at the sky;
where the agony of death may seem but sleep
and the soul may seem a bird which mounts in flight.
And in the final instants I would hear,
already with the sky and sea alone,
no other sobbing prayers or sobbing voices
than those of waves in their majestic fall.
To die when life is sadly hauling back
its golden nets from out the tide's deep green
and be like yonder sun that dies down slowly:
some very shining thing that's lost from sight.
To die, and young, before unfaithful time
destroys the delicate and gentle crown;
whilst life still tells us: I am yours
although we know so well it will betray us.
Manuel Gutierrez (1859 - 1895)
(Translation: Gordon Challis)
Nick: miss_mithril
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:55 PM PST
In Reply To: A Poem for Widfara
Subject: this is beautiful. thank you.
Message:
i can't write any words that are both sweet and sorrowful right now. I am eternally grateful for those who can and have.
Nick: Eledhwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 10:46 PM PST
In Reply To: A Poem for Widfara
Message:
Good choice, Tehanu.
Nick: Nimrodel
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 4:26 AM PST
In Reply To: A Poem for Widfara
Message:
Thank you, tehanu.
Nick: jflower
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:34 PM PST
Subject: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
I've been trying to think today of something that I could do to honour the memory of Widfara. Admittedly, I did not get to know her very well, but, the interaction that I did have, I greatly enjoyed. One of my main communications with her was through her SAST quizzes. To me it seemed to be something that she took great pleasure in. She was so punctual and dedicated to getting the quizzes organized, posted and marked. Moreover, she displayed her creativity, humour and trust in us all and helped to bring TORn together through her these quizzes. As well, she seemed to enjoy the more creative answers that some gave and the effort in general.
I got to thinking then that it seems like a real waste and shame to not finish this project that Widfara began and had worked on so hard (especially since it is so near completion with 4 chapters left to go). So, I thought I'd propose the idea that I would take on the task of completing the quizzes. I have gone back and found all the data and rules that she had posted on past quizzes and I am more than willing to offer my time to do this. I won't be able to offer you the same wit and charm that Widfara offered (most likely I'll be teary since I am now just writing this post). As well, I don't have any prizes other than congrats to offer the winners. But, I feel it is important for us as a community and Widfara to complete this project. I can't imagine that Widfara would have wanted it to be left as it is. I wouldn't restart the quizzes for a few weeks to allow some time for people to heal. Anyways, I thought I'd see what you all thought. And if people want to do this then that's great, but, if you all don't then that is fine as well. The majority will rule. It's just an idea I thought would be good.
Take Care.
Nick: Pukel-man
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:36 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
I'd rather finish them than not.
Nick: Aydria Elenlinn
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:39 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I was thinking of that too..
Message:
I think she would be glad if they were finished.
Nick: Razanur Tuc
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 8:44 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I think it's most kind of you
Message:
and I'd like it very much. Thanks, jflower.
Nick: DownfallenWest
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:26 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I'd say don't even wait.
Message:
I think it's a better tribute to try to carry on with her excellent exercises right away. Wish I could come up with something more eloquent to explain that...
Nick: RosieLass
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:32 PM PST
Browser/OS: Netscape Communicator V4.8 using Windows 98
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: That would be a great way to remember her.
Message:
I'd thought of the same thing, but I just don't have the creativity to do it. So if you're willing, go for it!
RosieLass
Nick: Celandine Brandybuck
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:43 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I'd be in favor.
Message:
I'm sure I'll be crying my way through them, but that's okay. Wídfara was always pleased at the great reception that the SAST quizzes got, and I think she'd like to know that someone finished them for her, when she couldn't. It would be a lovely tribute.
Nick: Silverlode
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:57 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I had the same thought...
Message:
and I think it's a good idea. If you don't mind putting together the remaining quizzes, I think that would be a very good tribute.
Silverlode
Nick: NZ Strider
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 9:59 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
Excellent thought!
Nick: Morwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 10:11 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: Inspired idea!
Message:
So many of us loved Widfara's quizzes.
Nick: Eledhwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 10:47 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: Yes, please do
Message:
I'm sure she'd appreciate that, and I certainly would too.
Nick: jayjay
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 11:02 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I was hoping
Message:
that someone would do this. An excellent tribute jflower - and it looks like so far we are in agreement, so thank you for taking it on. I am sure I will be just as teary answering the final four as you will be in creating them.
Like you, my main interaction with Wid was through the SAST - always threads I looked forward to for their wit and challenge, their humour and the community spirit that abounded 'in class'.
In all our thoughts - ~Wid ~
Nick: Wandlimb
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 11:44 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I think its a fine idea jflower
Message:
To complete the quiz that Wid put so much time and effort into seems like a very fitting tribute, and a way of celebrating her wonderful contribution to this board. And I don't think you need wait too long, just until the initial shock and sorrow have passed. Then I am sure that many Tornsibs will be pleased to join in with a positive way of remembering Wid.
Nick: Eärwen
Date/Time: Tue, 10/22/2002 at 11:55 PM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I agree with the others
Message:
it would be fitting to continue the quizzes, that how I feel.
I would wait a little while though, say about a week?
Ah and that poem is so appropriate.. Thanks jflower!
Nick: Tauriel
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 12:25 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: Please do that
Message:
I was thinking the same thing, that she'd have wanted them finished, and I think it's great if you'll do it.
Nick: Rain Queen
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 1:13 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I think that's a good idea
Message:
I'm fairly new here, and I didn't usually post answers ot the quizzes, but I enjoyed reading them. I think it would be a great idea to continue them.
Nick: Lostcause
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 2:02 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: Yeah I think that would
Message:
be a good way for TORn to say goodbye to her...
When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark,
At the end of the storm, Is a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark,
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown,
Walk on, Walk on,
With hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.
(Rogers & Hammerstien)
- Widfara, at least now you are walking with angels
Nick: Smokering
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 3:09 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: Yes, please do.
Message:
I'm sure Widfara knew that the great tales never end--people come in and out of them but the story goes on. Frodo said something like that once and it's true. Keep going with the quizzes. I never took part in them because I'm not terribly good at quizzes but I remember seeing the boards half-filled by the groaning respondants. Finish. Thank you, jflower, for thinking of that.
Nick: Uitlander
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 3:57 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: jflower, that's a fine idea...
Message:
...and if the work gets to be too much for you, say so. I think we can share the load a bit. Also waiting a few weeks is a good idea.
Nick: Nimrodel
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 4:22 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
that's very nice of you, jflower.
Nick: Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 4:51 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I think that's a wonderful gesture
Message:
I would be all in favor of you continuing with the quizzes. I had thought about them ... but the more I thought about them the more I cried, so that's as far as my thinking took me. I agree with the others. It is good to finish them. Take care.
-Shieldmaiden
Nick: Elwen
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 5:07 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
please do. I think that would be lovely.
Nick: greenleafphf
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 6:10 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
excellent idea - I think she would like that!
Nick: Watson
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 6:20 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: I had thought the same thing...
Message:
...but didn't mention it because it would not really have been appropriate yesterday. Excellent idea, and if you need any help, feel free to contact me ([]). Having seemed to have earned the reputation as "teacher's pet," I was thinking that perhaps it would be better if I helped with the quizzes themselves rather than participate in them. :)
Nick: Annael
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 6:54 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: thank you!
Message:
I was also thinking that the SASTs should go on.
Nick: Weige
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 7:02 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: Excellent though - I think she would have wanted us to carry on.
Message:
jflower - your caring and generosity are very much appreciated and I look forward to renewed quizzes.
I am continually amazed at the fellowship shown on this board - Tolkien would indeed be proud. The fellowship is not broken, nor never will be as long as we have friends that care as much as all of you do.
I am just coming to grips with the passing of someone I hardly knew and yet feel such a deep sense of lose over. It's amazing how in such a brief and intermittent period of time people can creep their way into you heart and make a profound impact. I truly hope and wish that Widfara has found peace and like to think, in my own silly way, that she is running free over the fields of Rohan with a sea breeze flowing over her.
All of the sentiments expressed over the past day have been very touching and moving. I share in those feelings and grief.
All my best to all of you.
Nick: Stapper
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 8:06 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Subject: As a TORn-'quizmaster' I can say
Message:
Making quizzes (for me) is like letting the others know what you think is important/what people should read/see. Like passing your vision to others. It feels so good when people are willing to answer those quizzes It makes you want to make more of them, so others can try to answer them.
I guess that also counts for her, loking to all the SAST quizzes she made for us.
Please continue the process she started. I think it's an important thing to do.
I enjoyed all the answers she got on her SAST quizzes. So many people enjoyed making those quizzzes. I only answered the last one and liked it very much.
Nick: jordan_the_discursive
Date/Time: Wed, 10/23/2002 at 8:18 AM PST
In Reply To: Just thought I'd put this idea out there and see what you all thought.
Message:
A lovely idea, a lovely tribute, and you are lovely to do it. :-)